Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Over the years I've gained a reputation for dating around. I've been called a "player," "heartbreaker," even "Barney" from How I Met Your Mother. I know it may seem like I don't take anything seriously, but that's not entirely true. Mostly I think that I just haven't found what it is that I'm really looking for and I realized this the first time I was introduced to Phillip Phillips. Obviously I fell in love with his song "Home," but it was more than that. After watching some interviews with him I realized that this is exactly the kind of guy that would be perfect for me! So needless to say I fell in love. On a more serious note though, despite the fact that he's not a member of the church and  can't marry me in the temple he pretty much is everything that I want and one day I will convert him and we will get married and live happily ever after. Seriously though, that's the kind of guy I want. I just haven't found him yet.

Leap of Faith

It seems to be a pattern for me to update this blog every 2-3 months haha but I promise that is NOT intentional. Anyway these past couple have been pretty hectic while I've been getting my career situation figured out. Currently I am working for the internet company Digis in the call center and I absolutely hate it. I'll be honest I hate the concept of a "job." Really I just want to be running my own business and be able to control my own income. I've always felt that people are so limited by jobs. Maybe that's just because I have a very entrepreneurial mindset. I'm not sure. In either case I've never wanted to have a "job." Yes I graduated college with a BA in Communication and a minor in Marriage and Family Studies, but I went to school for the sole purpose to learn, not to be able to have my life and income controlled by some superiority. I had a moment of clarity the other day during a training session with Primerica. It's a financial planning firm for those of you who aren't familiar with it. Anyway I really like the idea of working for myself and being able to build a business. Ultimately I want to run my event planning business, but lately I have had no time to focus on it with the current job that I have and no time to put forth toward building clientele with Primerica. I realized that the only way I'm going to get to where I want to be is to quit the job I have now and focus on what I actually want to do. I'm actually completely freaked out right since I have no idea what's going to happen but I also know that noone ever got anywhere by not taking a risk. I also know that the only way I'm ever going to be successful is if I am able to work on what I want to do. I know it's a risk but it's not as if I haven't given any thought to this and it's definitely not as if I don't have a plan. I do. It's the not knowing how everything is going to work out or if it is going to work out that scares the hell out of me. However, I also know that if I stay at this job I'm never going to get anywhere and I'm slowing going insane. I realized that I never have time to do anything. Literally ANYTHING. My intent is not to complain. In fact  my biggest pet peeve is when people wine and complain and don't do anything to change their current state. All I am saying is right now I am miserable because I feel like I am being held back and that's why I've decided that something needs to change and I need to quit the job that I'm at if I'm ever going to be able to put time and effort toward a business and finally have control over my income. It's a giant leap of faith that I know I need to take.

Sit Back and Enjoy the Ride

Life is hard. I know that I'm stating the obvious here but I promise there is a point. These past few months have been challenging to say the least. Actually I would say that it's been the whole past year. I won't go into great detail about my problems because we all have them and I'm sure that everyone can agree that sometimes life just sucks. Anyway, just the other day I was listening to So Small by Carry Underwood and this song just spoke to me and I realized how pointless it is to become so disheartened worrying about things that are completely out of your control.

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole

While you're sitting around thinking 'bout what you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count 'cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands


After listening to this song I just felt so much more at ease about everything and realized that I should be focusing on the good things are happening to me right now. I know sometimes that it's hard to recognize all of the good and happy things when so much has gone wrong or is going wrong and you feel like you can't catch a break. I can say from my own personal experience that being sad and stressed out about what you have no control over is a waste of time and emotional energy. So don't do it. Focus on the things and people in your life that make you happy and I guarantee that whatever you are struggling with will become more clear to you and probably even seem like less of a trial. Sit back and enjoy life's ride. It's full of surprises.

Heartless Bird Killer Vs. Expensive Ticket

I was about 5 minutes from work this morning and these 2 birds were just chilling in the road right in front of the green traffic light, which I was not about to miss. So I tried to slow down as much as I could without missing that green light and backing up traffic behind me. I gave the birds plenty of time to move out of the way and one of them did, but the other one refused to move and I refused to slow down anymore that I already had. So inevitably I killed a bird. I felt the thud on my front bumper when I hit it. I immediately thought "Oh no! I'm a bird killer!" As soon as I got to work I texted my younger sister and informed her of what I had just done. She was very amused by this and ceased the opportunity to make me feel guilty by telling me about an episode of New Girl where Jess stops for some birds. After rubbing it in my face that Jess would stop for birds, she also added that she received an $800 ticket for not running over a few birds. Maybe I'm just a heartless bird killer, but an $800 ticket just doesn't seem worth it to me to save a bird, especially when I gave it plenty of time to fly out of my way! Needless to say I am very relieved that I dodged an $800 ticket, even if I did kill a bird in the process.